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Nothing is more “Christian” than our responsibility for discipleship.  Although not exclusively Christian, Jesus Himself instructs us in the logos to “make disciples” throughout the entire world (Matthew 28:19).  It’s clear we’re under a mandate to introduce people to our Champion and help them mature in their walk with Him.

The word for disciple in the original Greek is μαθητεύω mathētĕuō, which is pronounced math-ayt-yoo´-o; meaning to become a pupil; to enroll as scholar, to disciple, instruct, or teach.

Too Much of a Good Thing

Most people believe that we organically satisfy the call of discipleship by simply getting people to join our church or involve them in some form of spiritual community.  While this certainly gives them access to regular doses of spiritual teaching, they mostly end up getting an indoctrination of that spiritual community’s belief system and cultural norms.

Granted, every church does it differently and that’s okay.  But, whether it’s all about the Bible teaching or not, liturgy driven or not, mission focused or not, evangelically-purposed or not, that doesn’t necessarily guarantee that any of those things transpose into true discipleship.

Discipleship is still about relationships which involve one person following another person who is following The Master.

Just because you know a lot of scripture doesn’t mean that you know Jesus.

Just because you attend church on a regular basis doesn’t automatically prove you’ve taken on the character of Christ.

Just because you live in close proximity to other Christians doesn’t guarantee you are spiritually healthy.

As much as we’d like to put the weight of validating proof on externals, it’s not a foolproof plan.

Externals can be deceiving.

The character of Christ doesn’t develop from the outside.  It’s sourced from an internal work of the Holy Spirit, and it takes real time to work its way outward in a person’s life.  Thus, we need the opportunity to walk with people for a season or two…or three.  The transition from seed to fruit doesn’t happen over night.

With all that said, I’m convinced that we have an incredible opportunity to steward our relationships, living situations, roommates, and partners with an intentionality that raises the spiritual bar at every level.  Even though the discipleship process may not be formally recognized in that arrangement, you still have the opportunity to help someone “step it up” or you yourself be the herald of excellence when things go sour or get stale for that person.

Where it gets weird and funky is when the ugly viper of codependency slithers into a discipleship opportunity.  What could be “iron sharpening iron” becomes a self-made prison of taking for my own need and emotional desires.

Bearing one another’s burdens is part of any healthy relationship; but if I’m doing it for my own emotional legitimacy or comfort, it’s become too much of a good thing.

If you can’t function in life without the sign-off of another person, you might want to think about what I’m saying here.  If it can get overly restrictive and controlling with married couples (and it does happen), imagine how jacked up it can become with singles who rage with the need to be validated!  Add the possibility that illicit sexuality or unhealthy soul-ties somehow get involved and now you’ve brewed a deadly potion that reeks of control, bondage, and witchcraft.

Too much!

If it has gotten to that point, take the word “discipleship” – or any other notion of spiritual health – out of it altogether.  You can think it’s an honoring relationship if you want, but that doesn’t make it so.  If you need another person’s approval in your life more than you need the presence of God, then you have a problem.

It’s not an either-or situation.

You can live in a healthy balance.  But if you can’t get into the next season without the sign-off of all the people you’re currently with, or find yourself addicted to the need to be needed, that might be an indicator of how hung you really are.

Discipleship is all about the transfer of life.  Codependency ultimately is a confining and restrictive element.  Take an honest look and evaluate the overall health of your relationships.  Is what you’re involved in too much of a good thing?

-MDP-

A couple of days ago, I made the call I had promised myself I would make one year later.  The only reason I remembered was because I put it on my iCal.  Sometimes it does pay to do clerical due diligence.The call originated out of a discussion I had with “Awesome Man.” 

Patti and I, Michael and Kathy, the Awesome Man and his Awesome Daughter were having a beer and a bite before we caught our flight home.  The day before, Awesome Daughter and Awesome Man had lain to rest the beloved mother and faithful wife of 35-plus years.  Her long battle with cancer had finally subsided and her new life began.  We were there to support, love, and care with the other thousands of friends and family.

I knew I wanted to ask the question before Awesome Man sat down.  I had spent the better part of the previous evening (after the funeral) watching his interactions with his girls.  When I say girls, I mean GIRLS.  To say that Awesome Man had lived in a sea of estrogen is an understatement.

His Joy gave him 3 gorgeous daughters, but she also surrounded herself with some of the strongest women who have ever walked the planet.  Sisters, aunts, and bold friends – all more than qualified to sit at the table on The View – weigh in on this family like velvet steamrollers.  Opinions and suggestions fall like the icy waters of Niagara.

Awesome Man had to bring his “A” game every damn day!  I’m thinking, one mistake and he’s nothing more than a greasy spot on the street!

I liked him instantly.  Classy, smart, and driven – a low-handicap golfer who appreciates good whiskey in a proper glass.  Serious, but inwardly chilled.  It all made perfect sense now. 

Awesome Daughter must have inherited those tiny feet and hands from him.  He was the reason she was so comfortably secure in all her drama and audacious silliness, but at the same time carries so much favor and beloved charm. It almost doesn’t seem fair that one person (or people like her) can carry so much irresistibility and predisposed talent to build and enhance whatever they touch.

I watched a very tired Awesome Man try to be present, but the wheels were already turning for what was ahead.  I surmised that there were some hard days ahead, but you’d rarely see him wear it.  This sucker was a stud, and little would affect his character or demeanor.  Let me say it once more:  I liked him instantly.

It was risky – and I didn’t want to be calloused or presumptuous – but I took a chance anyway.  Just as he bit into the sandwich he’d ordered, I asked, “Awesome Man (except I called him by his real name), I’m sitting here with my wife.  Michael is sitting there with his wife.  Knowing what you know today, and having gone through what you’ve just gone through, what advice would you give two men who still have their wives?  How can we love them better?”

He chewed a couple more seconds, swallowed, took a swig from his glass and simply said,

“Don’t miss anything… especially the small stuff.  Notice the little things that she does.  Laugh when it’s silly, pay attention when she’s sad, but don’t ignore her.  See her.  Really see her.”

There was a lump in my throat.  I didn’t want tears at this table.  Not today.  Not now.  So, I grabbed Patti’s hand under the table and squeezed.  I just wanted to be home, and alone, so I could tell and show her how much I love her.

“Awesome Man,” I asked, “Is it ok that I call you back in a year to see what you might have to say about what I’ve just asked you?”  “Of course,” he said, “I’m up for it.”

That was it.  We hugged Awesome Man, kissed Awesome Daughter, and headed to the airport. 

I don’t remember there being a lot of conversation in the car.  We were all thinking.  Processing.  Readjusting.

So, today is the anniversary of that day.  A casual call to Awesome Man a couple days ago found him wheeling through a Krispe Kreme to pick up a batch of fried dough for some friends’ needed consumption.  We talked as he waited in the drive-thru line.  He wanted the low-down on all my “stuff” and, as usual, he wanted to know what state Ms. Patti could be found in today: Georgia, Colorado, or Texas?  The drive-thru line was stalled, so I went there.

“Awesome Man, do you remember the question I asked you at that table last year?”  He remembered.  “The part about how to love my wife better?  Well, it’s been a year.  How do you answer that today?”

There was no hesitation.  It was as if he’d been thinking about a response for a while.  Then it dawned on me that he has had some alone time.  Probably way more than he cared for.

“Yeah… two things. 

Don’t sweat the small stuff.  What I mean by that is, don’t get crossways with her regarding things that aren’t really that important.  You’ve got enough big things to struggle against together.  Let that small stuff remain small.”

Yeah, that’s good.  I remembered that he had used the word “small” when I originally asked him this question.  But this time it charted a new tributary.

Then the intensity changed.  He said,

“Touch her.  Pull her to you.  Grab her hand.  Touch her hair.  Rub her shoulders.  Don’t paw her because you want something from her.  Enjoy the fact that she is right there within your reach.  Smell her hair.  Notice her lines.  Touch her because you can.  That is what I miss.  That is the stuff that keeps me awake at night.  I miss touching and talking to my friend.”

This second part was more solemn and serious.  What he told me had been marinated in an unresolved ache.  I knew that God was talking through Awesome Man to me.  I was wearing a new batch of tears to confirm it.

A few hours after that call, I shared this story with a younger buddy of mine who is also married to a lovely lady.  He’s a man’s man, through and through.  His response was accurate:  “Wow, that’s serious stuff right there!”

It is serious stuff. 

I married very young.  It took a long time (too long) for me to grow up.  In today’s relevant vernacular, I was a classic douche bag.  But I have tried to put away childish things over our 35 years together, and I still want to be serious about Awesome Man’s counsel.  More importantly, I would like to think that my Awesome Girl knows just how serious I am about this.

I don’t want to just show up for the big stuff.  Anybody can do that.  Anybody can be a hero with the big shit. 

Buying someone crap doesn’t forge love.  Being a sugar daddy don’t make you daddy. 

People of depth see through that nonsense in a millisecond.  If that’s the best you’ve got, you’re so hosed.

What about the daily need, the daily desire, or the everyday love that touches and tells when no one else is looking?  That is what matters.  And that is what I think Awesome Man was pointing to.

I believe there is a lesson to be learned here for every one of us.  Awesome Man’s counsel is relevant to all of our meaningful relationships.

There is no excuse for not paying attention to the PEOPLE who are most important in our lives. We have too many excuses for our isolation.  It’s just not necessary.

Guys, stop bringing your heartless body to the house!  Stop trying to fix your communicative retardation with trinkets and flowers.  Show some consideration and interest in what she’s got going on.

The instruction is, “as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).  As my buddy said, it’s serious.  Jesus wasn’t much of a taker.  He didn’t play games with people so he could have what he wanted.  He came to serve.

Thanks Awesome Man.

I heard you.

-MDP-

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!  Sometimes Rohr just wears me out!  -MDP-

In the the spiritual life your enemies are your best friends.  That’s why Jesus makes his most daring commandment, that you must love your enemies (Matthew 5:44).  Until you allow the enemy at the gate to come in, allowing the “not-me” to enter your world, you’ll never be able to face your own sin, your dark side.

People who turn you off, people you’re afraid of, have a message for you.  We reject and hate our own faults in others.  I’m not saying you have to go out and become best friends with them, but you should at least put up your antennae:  They’re triggering something within you.  You need them.

Here is the wrap-up to this story!  I had a blast remembering that time in my life.  I’m so thankful that the Holy Spirit was so patient with me.  He truly is the Ghost with the Most!  – MDP-

THE GHOST CHRONICLES

Ghost with the Most – Part 3

Part 2 of my article entitled Ghost with the Most in now ready  for viewing in THE GHOST CHRONICLES.

CLICK HERE for viewing!

Michael Hindes recently asked me to write for the newly established Ghost Chronicles.  I’ve submitted part 1 of a 3-part series called, The Ghost with the Most.  It’s an old story, but it is part of my story.  You’re invited to submit your own story also!  Check it out!

Link to The Ghost Chronicles

SILENCE

author unknown

Silence vibrating is creation.

Silence flowing is love.

Silence shared is friendship.

Silence seen is infinity.

Silence heard is adorable.

Silence is expressed is beauty.

Silence maintained is strength.

Silence omitted is suffering.

Silence allowed is rest.

Silence recorded is scripture.

Silence preserved is tradition.

Silence given is initiating.

Silence received is joy.

Silence perceived is knowledge.

Silence alone is.

I love these thoughts from Rohr.  -MDP-

Prayer is a psychological place, a spiritual place, a place where we go to get out of ourselves, a place created and inhabited by God.  Whatever disciplines can help us to get to where reality can get at us (the Real in its ultimate sense being God) I would call prayer.  That opens up many possibilities and styles.

Prayer is whatever calls us to detach from our own self, from our own compulsions and addictions, from our own ego, from our own “place.”   We are all too trapped in our own places by virtue of the egocentricity of the human person.  In prayer the Spirit entices us outside of our narrow comfort zone.  No wonder we avoid prayer:  We have to change places.

from Catholic Agitator, “Finding a Place for Prayer”

Bored men are dangerous.  Not the good kind of dangerous, but the bad kind of dangerous.  When they are not engaged at levels that tax their every fiber of will power, they loose the vision of who they really are and what they are called to be.  Bored men are dangerous to themselves and everyone else who depends upon their strength, integrity, honor and character.  Bored men take what is not theirs to take.  Bored men touch what is not theirs to touch.  Bored men are dangerous.

Oh yeah sister… that includes you too.

-MDP-

When is the last time you listened to yourself pray?  Sometime, you ought to hit the reverse switch on that little recorder in your mind and roll the tapes back to listen all over again as to how you pray.  You might be surprised with what you learn.  As confident as we outwardly appear in our relationship with our Heavenly Father, I wonder if we are truly that settled inwardly.  How we pray could give us a few indications.

For the greater part of my spiritual walk, I felt that the clearer I articulated my passionate petition, the better chance I had to get what I was asking for.  God was really smart and insightful, so you had to bring your A-game if you were going to get anywhere with Him.  HE was always way out front, so a guy had to work every angle to get things going in “my” direction.  If it took a little arm twisting, God was up for the match.  If it required tears, pacing, panting… I had some of that if needed.  If He wanted loud… dude, I could shout with the best of them.  Even my humble request to hear more from God, was attached to a downshifting “doing” gear that worked in perfect unison with my steering mechanism.  (Hmmmmm… maybe I’m better at multitasking than I’ve given myself credit.)  More times than not, I was going to do SOMETHING with what I heard.  I’ve lived in various seasons of intense intercession, so I’ve said just about everything that there is to say in just about every way imaginable.  I’m not convinced God has been all that impressed with the performance.

Probably what was missing was the main thing all along;  Me, desperately needing to readjust my perspective.  I was always pretty sure of what I wanted, while only slightly aware of what I really needed.  It could be that what we need to hear from God has more to do with us than the things we’re actually praying for.  “Lord, will you move this mountain?”  “Yes, but do you realize the mountain that needs to move is not the thing you’re focused on?”  “Wait, are you talking about me?”  Silence.  The Spirit’s sense of timing is chilling perfection.

Sitting with the Lord long enough to get His perspective is risky business.  You just know He is going to futz with you.  But, we probably need to get good with it.  I do a lot of one on one discipleship and counseling.  If I stop talking and the other person stops talking and I just continue to look at that person without saying anything, it usually only takes about 5 seconds before they’ll explode wanting to know what I’m thinking.  People get really nervous if they think you’re reading their mail.  Maybe they should, but if that is true with a man, how much more squirmy are we once the quiet lands in our time with the Lord?  We’d rather show up with our hands full of our trinkets.  Raw exposure leaves us so naked.

Obviously our issue isn’t in the asking department.  We can do some asking.  Our disconnect might be more along the lines of the receiving part.  To get ourselves into position to receive properly is going to require us to readjust our perspective.  We don’t have to cut deals with Him.  He’s a lover and a giver.  We don’t have to treat God like he’s stingy.  It might also need to dawn on us that God doesn’t require us to inform Him of what is going on down here.  He already has our perspective.  We need His.

There is abounding goodness that we can’t see or receive while we stomp in front of Him with all our little bag of worries.  A good readjustment now aligns our heart to the possibility that there might be another way to approach what has our focus and what He has already seen.  Now we can know just how capable He really is.  Seeing from His perspective invites rest and trust at a completely different level.  It’s a good and very needed adjustment.

-MDP-